Starting again

Yet again, I am starting. Starting to write after a long time of not writing. It is strange to pick yourself up again and begin on something you really wanted, this time, to manage. Returning to it somehow seems to mean to me that I didn’t manage. But that is also okay. “Managing” to do something, perfectly, uninterruptedly, without pause is probably not in the cards for me – whether the task at hand be doing the dishes every night, or speaking kindly and without complaining, or drawing every day. But to stop returning to these things “because I will mess up yet again” is the real defeat. Inconstant, halting attempts net more in the end than perfect plans — a fact that I have a truly incredibly hard time convincing myself of. Well, maybe this time, I’ll manage.

The Right Way

I’ve been reading. Reading a lot of blogs about marriage and family life, homemaking and child-having. And having a lot of opinions about them, largely because said blogs are highly opinionated about how one ought to go about the aforementioned things. Which leads me to ponder – which things are worth believing “my way is THE way” about? Perhaps some are, and it is a kindness and an act of grace to point them out to others. But I think it might be worth my own while at least to accept that some ways of living, while they aren’t right for me, might be right for others.  I realize that this sounds extremely relativistic, but honestly, does there have to be one correct way to do everything? Do some fundamentals not suffice? So, with that in mind, I am going to embark on discussing my own experiences. Beginning, I think, with making laundry detergent.

(Also, I realize that I’m also telling people how to do things…but avoiding hypocrisy is not really my best skill)

Affirmations

This week — or rather, this past month — has been a little stressful.  A lot, actually, and it has meant losing perspective fairly frequently.  So this morning I decided to jot down in my journal some true things that will still be true, no matter what happens today. And I would like to pass them on:

Whatever happens today:

~it cannot separate you from the love of God

~Mom and Dad and Grandma will still love you and believe in you

~you CAN do it

~you are not a bad person or even a bad teacher

~God is in control

~things will eventually get better

~you will probably still get married, someday

We’ll see if that helps keep some perspective on the day.

Christmas and other lovely things…

I love Christmas. So of course I was interested when a friend sent me this link to the Christmas cards he was buying.  Take a look. I find them sweet and refreshing and generally lovely. They are made by a group of nuns (The All Saints Sisters of the Poor) who use the proceeds to fund their ministries (they describe their lifestyle as mixed: work and contemplation together). Between monastic life (another fascination) and Christmas I am of course sold, and intend to purchase some of these cards. While browsing around the site I also found some cards with quotes from Julian of Norwich, a 14th century anchoress and mystic of whom I have been fond since reading some of her works in the 11th grade.  One of the quotes particularly caught my eye and has been encouraging me since I read it: “God is our true peace. He is our sure keeper when we ourselves are in unpeace.” The word “unpeace” is delightful and unexpected and a bit odd, and it caught my eye and, I must say, accurately describes my current state, which is certainly one of “unpeace” — unsettled, somewhat discontent, anxious. I am so thankful that it is God who is my peace, because I cannot simply say to myself or my fluttering stomach — be still. But he can, and can provide peace and stability and can keep us when outward and inward circumstances are all over the place. Praise Him.